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Looking back on FFL memories with Annabelle and mum, Bryony.

Annabelle joined us towards the end of the interview once she had finished some schoolwork.

Looking back to when you first registered with FFL and Lisa came to visit you at home, can you remember what Annabelle’s social life and confidence was like and how that may have changed?

Yes dramatically. Very very nervous, very overwhelmed. She didn’t have a social life at all. We might have gone to the odd other charity. She didn’t have any friends at school that she went out with at all. I think the first thing she did, if I remember rightly, was bowling. It has a HUGE huge impact on her. She’s made loads of lovely little friends, younger and older. We’ve actually now discovered people she can play with outside and also went to the same school as her eventually. It’s made a huge impact on her. She’s discovered that she’s got quite competitive with bowling now with other people. She’s exceedingly competitive now with that one! It’s been a huge thing for her. She loves going.

FFL staff have definitely noticed a change in her at bowling too. She has come a long way from being so anxious and not liking people applauding to it now not bothering her.

Yep. She wears her ear defenders every now and again but the majority of the time, yep we had to do the silent clapping, the anxiety was through the roof but the confidence has now gone through the roof! Her anxiety is much lower. She’s far more comfortable with everybody there now and even now, we still get the occasional anxiety day but she’s always much calmer once she comes out of bowling or drama or anything.

You mentioned drama there…

Oh god, yeah! That’s huge. She’s such a drama queen anyway but she adores the drama. She loves the people there. It does help the fact that her best friend goes there anyway so they’re just like sisters now. They pretty much do everything together and in fact I think she first met her best friend through one of the other charities and then when they discovered they went to Friends for Leisure together, well that was it. It was amazing.

I bet they’re missing each other at the moment.

Yes, they’ve got together once and we’re going to try and get them together again but yeah drama has been huge. She said to me “when I’m in drama, I feel like I can be somebody else” and she can ‘take off the mask’ as she calls it so yeah she absolutely loves drama. Absolutely adores it and she LOVES doing the shows and the performances. Apart from the fact that she gets exceedingly wary about whether she’s got to practise any speech or anything like that or practise any lines because she gets herself so worked up.

Yet she speaks so confidently as well now doesn’t she? When she’s performing (but also just in general), when I watched her as the fairy god mother in ‘The Wizard of Oz’ drama production, she was probably one of the most confident in the group.

Yes. Linda! My mum’s best friend made her the outfits which she was so thrilled with and she’s still got it. She was very wary that she wasn’t going to remember any of her lines and yet absolutely cracked it on the day.

She smashed it!

Do you think Annabelle feels listened to at Friends for Leisure? Are her views and ideas taken into consideration?

Oh definitely, yeah. She quite often says to me when you’ve been doing your zoom calls “oh mum, they said they are going to do this next week and I mentioned this so they’re gonna try and work that into it” so yeah, she definitely feels listened to. She loves the zoom calls when you do quizzes and she says “I’ve told them that I can do this, that and the other with my favourite TV characters” and things like that because her obsession at the moment is Tracey Beaker and anything to do with Jacqueline Wilson. So she’ll say “they’ll do this and do a quiz around that” so she comes off all excited and when we’re sat down and she comes through from a zoom call saying “I’m doing this scavenger hunt and I’ve got to find this and I’ve got to find that”. It’s brilliant. She’s very competitive!

What about feeling listened to about the support that she needs and her needs being understood?

I know when she does go and if she’s a bit anxious or anything like that at all then I know she says she’s spoke to Sue, she’ll talk to Lisa and she’ll talk to the other ones who ever is there…Maggie and Gillian and all the others and yourself. She knows that if she goes there, especially if I mention that she’s a little bit on the anxious side or whatever, I know for a fact that within 5 minutes, she’s laughing and joking. So yeah, very much listened to.

What do you think she gets the most out of accessing Friends for Leisure?

The social side and a confidence boost. Definitely. Lowers the anxiety and she loves the fact that she can now…she says “I meet people like me”. So yeah…she doesn’t feel like she has to be different around other people.

Does she feel safe at Friends for Leisure activities?

Most definitely. I’ve never had a query about whether is this safe or is that safe because she knows that you’re there.

What is your favourite memory of Annabelle and Friends for Leisure?

Doing the drama shows. I think the first show that she ever did with drama when she was playing in ‘Robin Hood’ and the look on her face when she did it, it was absolute gold.

Has she done any performances at school?

She hasn’t yet but I know she’s hoping to take either drama or one of the other ones for her GCSE subject but yeah she just loves the whole thing of it. The big beam on her face just says it all.

Has she gained any new interest/hobbies or joined any groups that she’s learnt of through Friends for Leisure?

Not that I’m aware of. It’s been mainly yourselves and Space for Autism that she’s with but she hasn’t gone to any of the others. I know that a lot of people do talk about other groups but its just mainly those two that she’s stuck with. She’s certainly gained a lot more friends since she’s gone to your group.

 Has youth group helped her to try new things at all?

It has. She’s still quite wary of trying anything new. She tends to stick to the things that she likes but she does quite often, if there’s an activity or whatever she’ll say “oh, I did that with Friends for Leisure” but she’s not overly keen on trying it unless its with people that she knows.

Other than the best friend we talked about, has she built other friendships?

Yes I know that she has got the phone numbers and quite often texts people like Florence and Joe from bowling and Eve and Annabelle went to Eve’s birthday party recently (before lockdown) and they enjoy talking about their interest in first aid.

Other than providing activities for Annabelle, has FFL been involved in supporting your family in any other way?

When Annabelle had her big breakdown in Year 7, I was in touch with yourselves and Lisa (Project Worker) and the support that we got through that was just amazing. It was very much that FFL completely understood where we were coming from which was a huge thing. No one doubted what we were going through. It did help that a lot of people saw first hand what Annabelle was going through but yeah there was an awful lot of personal support as well for us, as parents, which was…huge. So it was just nice to know that people didn’t disbelieve what we were going through and didn’t ‘poo-poo’ what we were going through. Annabelle was going through it. It was very very hard and the anxiety that us, as parents, were going through as well was massive and affected the whole family. Especially the fact that we weren’t that far off from getting her to A & E and it was hard and when I phoned Friends for Leisure up you were just like you know…”everything will be fine. It will pan out. If you need any more help, give us a call” and just knowing that you were on the end of the phone was brilliant.

How would you rate your experience as a parent carer?

Being a parent carer is hard. I won’t deny it. I would never say it’s a breeze. There are some days when it is ridiculously hard and other days where its easier. But you know, its workable, its bearable. I’d say in terms of toughness, it’s a good 8 out of 10 being a parent carer. No day is ever the same.

Annabelle joins us

[We spoke to Annabelle about some of our discussion on her confidence and social life].

How does that make you feel now that these things have improved for you?

Annabelle: My confidence has improved now. I enjoy the activities and have made some friends.

Mum: do you remember the first time when you were doing your performances and you were absolutely thrilled and thought ‘I’ve done this’ and had a big smile on your face.

Annabelle: Yeah!

We’ve been singing your praises Annabelle! You are very well liked in the group.

Annabelle: Thank you.

 What do you think Friends for Leisure does well?

Annabelle: It is really supportive. I feel listened to. [Annabelle was reminded that I have managed to find someone to provide a particular activity that she has requested after a very long search and can’t wait to reschedule this activity when we are back to normal groups].

Have you experienced a buddy volunteer through FFL?

Mum: She did actually. She had a buddy with two girls called Hannah and Olivia. They were very good. They eventually went out a little bit. I think they did a bit of bowling or something and went to Costa.

Annabelle: We normally went swimming.

Mum: Yes and then they had an awful lot of A Level studying and we had to end things but yes she thoroughly enjoyed that.

And what about the volunteers at youth group? Do you talk to them much?

Annabelle: Yes they are helpful and friendly. I sometimes buddy up with Chloe or Rosie if I am having a bit of an anxious day.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Mum: no other than she adores Friends for Leisure! The throwback photos recently on Facebook just shows how long she’s been coming as well.